About Me
Not all who wander are lost.
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You’ve got to put down the duckie to play the saxophone
Nothing says it better than this video from Sesame street.
You’ve got to let go of your fears in order to pursue your dreams. You can’t fly if you let people hold you back. This rubber duck was a gift from a very dear professor, encouraging us to believe in ourselves, to be brave, because if you follow your dreams you can’t go wrong. It’s the little things like these ones that keeps you going. Because really, you can achieve what you want. It’s not a matter of luck, it’s perseverance and faith. Fight hard enough for your dreams and they’ll eventually fight for you.
Even if that means standing up alone for what you fight for. Don’t conform with what society says, do what’s right for you. Be who you are, live your life and chase your passions. Because we only get one chance. Don’t let regrets weigh you down but learn from them and may they be the force that keep you fighting.
And remember, you’re not alone, you’re never alone.
NEW YORK.
I’m going to New York, next year or two years from now. I’m moving there. I’m going to get a job I’m passionate about, I’m going to start/build/nurture/push my career there.
It’s a goal. 2012-2013. NYC Here I come!
You need to believe in yourself for others to believe in you.
But don’t you dare to conform in just believing. It is just the first step but not the only one.
You need to believe in the beauty of your dreams, in your own potential to make change, to make an impact. Nothing happens overnight. Stop thinking that you can’t, don’t be limited by your fears or what society tells you.
Don’t follow your dreams. Sure, we’re all dreamers but wishing upon a star doesn’t take you anywhere. You need to chase, won your dreams. Make them yours, make the beauty blossom, prove people they’re wrong. Because the only limitation between you and your goals is really yourself. Don’t stop, keep chasing your hope until you’ve reached the point you aim to.
You are not just one out of a million. You’re one of a whole. We’re all connected by an extraordinary supernatural force, that we have no control of. You can’t succeed by yourself, what is success without others? Whatever you do, you continuously change and shape the natural flow of life along with the rest of the 7 billion people inhabiting this planet.
How do people make things happen? How does Steve Jobs became such an important character to look up to? Because he followed his gut feelings, he hunt his dreams down and owned them. The worst thing one can do is just sit and watch our lives go by. This is not a movie, you’re not part of an audience. You and every single one of us play a role. It might seem insignificant in a larger scale but it makes a difference. Look, I know it’s scary to try something different from what society tells you, because let’s face it, we all just want to be accepted, we want to do something meaningful, something impressive. But in order to do that, you must break the chain you’re tied down by. Limitations are just a temporary illusion. They are blunt excuses to keep you in your comfort zone. What’s so bad about the comfort zone? Well, it’s more like the lazy zone. It is hard, nothing just comes and falls in your hands. You need to work to attain what aspire. Being stuck in your comfort zone is limiting yourself, your potential. We, human beings have the need to excel and grow emotionally. That is the path of life but if you’re just stuck with your basic needs, you will never be able to fulfill your emotional needs.
Sincerely,
Jess’ Ramblings to self.
If only.
To do: Start the day with meditation, set your daily goals, breathe, be kind to yourself, be grateful and thankful :)
(Source: leilockheart)
It’s one of those days where I’m not feeling social. Just want to stay home and relax. Need to get a sense of direction soon, this hiatus period shouldn’t really last for long. Need to properly disconnect from everyone and everything. I shut off some functions from facebook (in an attempt to stop obsessing over notifications nor status updates) Only two times to check e-mails (morning and night). I need to start focusing on fulfilling activities instead, doing meaningful things now. Social media is the biggest distraction of all, helps you stay connected but a bit too much sometimes.
I can do it. Yes, yes, yes! Believe and you’re half way there.
Learning to enjoy the silence. Long walks without putting my headphones on, sitting at the balcony just listening to the sounds around me. Writing in my own room without music. Finally getting to hear myself…
Learning to do nothing
I never thought that taking a break would be so damn hard.
I’m having a hard time doing nothing and just relaxing. I think I’ve been conditioned to always do something in order to be productive and make use of my time. Otherwise, it’ll be time just wasted. Whatever I did had to fulfill a purpose, to get things done and going. Just sitting by a cafe reading seems like being lazy.
So now, for the first time in my life, I have a summer off. No running behind appointments, cooking classes, jewellery making, swimming lessons, flower arrangements, endless color palette mixing in interior design, buying canvas and oil paints for 4 hr painting classes, photography lessons late at night, no more breathing exercises from theatre classes, browsing for images in internship, waking up early for salsa lessons with my mom. It feels so empty, challenging. Perhaps I’m too used to getting things done, in having to-do lists and crossing them out, an overall schedule to follow.
I feel somewhat frustrating at myself for not being able to relax, for being worried over getting a job (yet not working at all). There’s this ongoing dilemma between me wanting desperately to take this summer off, to relax and do all the things I want with my subconscious nagging me to get a job. The one where it’s driven by expectations, fear of failure and disappointment. That part of me that is well too good at stressing, getting things done, being disciplined (somewhat), the responsible and example to follow, the one “good” reputation…
Reconnecting with myself seems harder than I originally planned. Too much noise, too much distraction around. Or perhaps once again I’m trying to do way too much at once. Time is precious, enjoy it and relax. Take it easy. Yes, I can.
Tarot Reader?
Can knowing the future help one live better?
Will achieving a utopian lifestyle, where no mistakes are being made, no accidents happening, no hearts breaking, no missed opportunities…ultimately make one happy?
Selling our souls to know the future, is that worth it?
Awesome thing #2: Bicycles, my bike.
I love how I can go to almost anywhere on it. Best of all, I earned and paid for it with my very first paycheck.
And when I rode it for the first time, I was set free. The adrenaline rushing through my veins, my heart beating a thousand miles an hour, the wind caressing my face as the bike slid through traffic; concealed from all the noise, the people, the cars, the chaos, the stress. I couldn’t hear anything, there was no one else but me and my bike.
And then I heard a voice. One that was forgotten, one that had gone silent when ‘duties’ came into the way. It was my voice, the little kid inside me, the one with all the dreams and hopes, the one who reminds me that I’m not alone, the one who listens and sees the world through God’s eyes, the compassionate, the loving, the forgiving voice. The inner voice we were all born with, that same one with whom we used to have long conversation and plot our adventures as a kid. This very same one that society attempts to silence. Let’s not let them succeed, shall we? In order to be ourselves, we must not lose ourselves.
Let go, relax.
Lunch on the balcony. Spinach pie with beets and barley salad.
Fear of Failure.
What is it that makes us paranoid about failing? When did being erroneous, such a human quality, became an aberration? Are we afraid of being seen as failures? Do we fear humiliation? Disappointment? And so, we stop being ourselves and change/adapt to what we think people will ‘like’ to see. Hence, society has become so twisted and degrading. We shouldn’t be doing anything to please others because if what we do aren’t what we want, feel…then it ain’t truly ours. It’s a cheap imitation just to be accepted. And that’s just pathetic, because at the end of the day, those who judge and want to change you, aren’t those who matter the most.
As a designer, we always have to be making decisions, to be as objective as possible. Because design, being a universal language, should be understandable and perceived easily. Sometimes our approaches are not what the client wants or expect. But if they hire you, it;’s because of your talent and what you can accomplish. So many times, have I encountered the dilemma between following my gut feeling and the desire to please my professors. You can’t help it, we want to be likeable, we want to impress. I was never happy going through the direction many guided me at first, I just had a better gut feeling to solve the problems given to me. Usually, at the very end, when I decide to ignore their expectations and work around the passion driving me inside, that gut feeling…my projects turn out far better than expected and a surprising result, the professors actually liked them as well.
Follow your heart, don’t be afraid of failure. If you fail, you’ll be even better because you’ll know what to do next time and thus, grow.
Appreciating the little things in life.
Awesome thing #1: Mangos.
I absolutely love anything that’s related to mango. It’s such an exotic fruit, with an intense sweet and slightly sour flavor and a soft yet crunchy texture that melts in your mouth.
Goes along in drinks, jello, cakes, cookies, salads, perfume…EVERYTHING. Suitable for any personality. What’s not to love about it?
Day #02: Reading by pier at Harbourfront
Nothing like a relaxing day, nothing to rush, no meetings to attend. Just a nice, casual, leisure day. Had a haircut in the morning (Good bye long curly hair) My head feels so much lighter compared to before (waist length vs. above shoulder length now) Hair is straight and looks so much more healthier. Later in the afternoon headed off to a cafe and sat down to read “Stumbling upon happiness”.
STUMBLING ON HAPPINESS
After seeing many different authors and artists talk about this book, I had to get it. First book I’m reading from the piles of books I received yesterday. Couldn’t have made a better decision. Just the first paragraph is intriguing enough to keep hooked up. Reached page 50 so far. It’s quite mind-opening and Daniel sure has a sense of humor to go along with it.
Be open
Day #02 - Holding a conversation with a random stranger rather than seeing them as a potential threat.
Not that I usually see everyone as potential threats or anything but many times, when approached by a stranger (specially when it’s a male), I would rather keep interactions cold and short. Let’s just say experiences from the past where people try hitting on me has a lot to do for how I respond now. So instead of giving people the wrong impression, I keep interactions short (but never rude though, there’s no reason to be rude to anyone).
But there are they days that I just go with the flow and engage in an actual conversation. It’s nice to be let your guard down for a bit, what’s the point of being so defensive?
Walking back from a reflective day by the lake shore (had an euphoric revelation), this stranger approaches me to ask for direction, I listened but wasn’t sure so told him I’m not familiar. So when I was ready to head off he kept asking if I was from around, where was I from…so conversation unraveled. It was nice, to not just run off for once. People are so different and each has their own perspective of life. We can learn so much from each other, all we have to do is just listen and open our hearts.
Open to new possibilities, adventures, a new of seeing…just embrace what comes along.
My biggest issue is time management. I tend to do too much at once and at the end when I don’t I feel frustrated and overwhelmed. Purchased this book “Learn to manage your time” by Lucy MacDonald a while ago but never went through it thoroughly. I’m finally taking the time to slow down and enjoy life. It’s hard but I’m learning to make the most out of it. It’s about time I set my life in order. Got some really useful insights, I’m a bit of a perfectionist, which holds me back from doing anything because if i fail, I wouldn’t want to do it anymore ( which is also part of the fear of failure and fear for success) And a bit of a workaholic, the notion of always having to do something.
It’s all about planning and time management (not too strict, otherwise there wouldn’t be any space for spontaneity) I am strongly against routine and having everything planned out, so I rather not have any. But the problem is, when everything is too broad and I don’t even know where to go or when to start. Sometimes, the fear of failing really does stop me from starting anything (like cooking, I really don’t know what I’m afraid of. Fear usually vanishes the moment I touch the ingredients) Being lazy or afraid of all the work involved in doing something is another terrible habit I must get rid of. What’s the worst that can happen? So what if I fail?
“Be kind to yourself” said Nobuo Kubota in my spring convocation. He received a doctorate and gave one of the most humouristic, light hearted and touching speeches.
I haven’t been kind to myself at all. Expecting too much, feeling guilty for not doing what I’ve planned, being too strict…
So it’s time I spend to reconnect, to do the things that make me happen, to stop fearing about the consequences. This journey of self discovery is beyond scary ( It doesn’t just end here it’s just the start)
Came to the realistic conclusion that I can’t do everything at once. Wanting to change the world when I’ve barely built mine. Patience, perseverance and passion. Things don’t happen from one day to another.
A series of exercises from the book to set my goals, priorities and manage my time better:
